A Controversial Term
Can she have it all? This is a question that I have found myself, and a lot of women asking themselves. Is it possible to be a great wife, mother, business woman, friend, etc. ? My personal opinion is yes. Having it all is possible, but you have to take a few needed steps to define what ‘all’ includes specifically for you. While I was reading up on this topic it seems that a lot of women have a variety of what their definition for being their personal version of Wonder Woman looks like. Some women decided the person they are molding themselves to be means being there for their children by being a stay at home mom, while others decided their professional career was really important to them. There is no wrong or right way to answer this question. You truly have to understand what having it all means to you and only you.
I write about this situation a lot, but I really do believe it was a turning point for molding me into the person that I wanted to be to have it all. In September 2013 I had my youngest child named Amiyah. By November 1st I was dropping off this tiny human at daycare and returning back to work that morning for the first time since giving birth. I sobbed, literally all day I was a wreck. For some reason I believed that since my other kids went to daycare in the past, I would have no problem with taking Amiyah to a childcare provider. Knowing this was the last baby I would ever have, placing her in daycare was not sitting well with me. That night I came home and talked to my husband about how hard it was to leave her. It’s great to have a corporate job, and all the benefits, but this situation tugged at my heart strings. I needed to be with my children. So the number crunching began. At the time we could not afford me being a stay at home Mom. The silver lining about Logistics is there are shifts available pretty much around the clock. I discussed the possibility of working nights with my husband, and this was hard for us. We are extremely close and the idea of not being able to physically share a bed three nights out of the week was a difficult conversation and even to think about. But we made a list of pros and cons when it came to me working nights. Here’s a small snippet:
- more vacation time
- not missing out on extra salary
- saving $1,220.00/mo. on childcare
- time with the kids (which was the winner for me!)
- Markaus having the kiddos by himself a few times during the week
- not getting to sleep with one another
I was ecstatic when I got a job offer to move departments and into a night manager position where I got a raise, and more time with my kids. It was truly a win win situation. Our pros outweighed our cons, we made some adjustments, and ultimately this non traditional schedule has worked out better for everyone. So naturally my definition of having all was fitting for me and my families’ needs at the time. My definition of having it all means I get to be there for my children and husband when they need me. I don’t have to place them into after school care or daycare, because I am here with them and for them. I also like the balance and a small break I get when I become corporate Megan a few days out of the week. I enjoy interacting with my awesome coworkers, and speaking to customers over the phone. But I never would have known how to have it all unless I took these steps to understanding what that term meant specifically for myself.
During this time it is totally okay to be selfish. The only way you are going to figure out whether or not having it all is within your reach is by understanding what is important to you. Here are a few tips that can help with this process:
- Who do you want to be? It’s cool to have celebrities to look up to, but in my opinion that’s extremely overrated. There are so many powerful and inspiring individuals around you with awesome qualities. Take some of the things you adore about those closest to you and think about how you can use those qualities to shape yourself into a better person.
- Be selfish– Hear me out on this one before you gasp. Before I met my husband I was a single mother with my oldest daughter. I had her at the age of nineteen and my whole world changed. Everything I accomplished and all the goals I made were because of her. She was literally my inspiration for being successful. I loved spending every waking moment with her, but that also meant I got burnt out at some point in time. My mother explained to me that in order to be an awesome mother, and provider for this tiny human, I had to focus on self care.
- Figure out what you like– Step number two and three go hand in hand as far as self care. As women we spend a ton of time taking care of other people, we often push ourselves on the back burner. At the beginning of each month draft a list of a few things you like to do. For instance, attending a yoga class, going out to dinner with a girlfriend, pampering yourself with a massage. I focus a lot in my blog on financial awareness, but there are some things you have to spend money on to be better for those around you.
- Make a PLAN– I cannot stress this one enough. The key to having it all is balance. Developing a plan for that balance is extremely helpful. If you haven’t purchased an agenda, or annual planner, go do it tomorrow! Not right now because it’s 3 a.m. and I’m up writing lol. But seriously. It will help out with everything you hope to accomplish on a weekly, monthly, and yearly basis.
- Goals– Whether you want to be a corporate mogul, or a kick ass stay at home mom you should always have goals you aim towards completing. I have tried it, and it works. I create a list for my blog of where I am and what I hope to accomplish for that week. This usually gets done on a Sunday evening. I take a look at my stats for the previous week, and put in what I want to accomplish for the week going forward. I have been doing this since December of 2016, yes I am only a few months in, but every week all but one of my goals are accomplished. There is something about putting it onto paper, and into the universe, that can bring your goals into fruition. When you actually accomplish those goals, it gives you the extra push you need to progress forward.
Personal Experience I wouldn’t be offer these tips for having it all if they weren’t something I lived by and practiced for myself. I put each one of these tips into play when it came to my definition of having it all.
- I wanted to be an awesome mom, but also contribute to the financial growth of my family. Accomplished
- For ‘Me’ time I indulge in blog writing and hot yoga. One of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to have more Me time and also earn an extra income for my family. If flexibility and earning more money for your family is a goal of yours check out how to start making a side income in this post. Throw in writing,Target or Starbucks run and my day is complete! Accomplished
- Kinda answered that in step two 🙂 Accomplished
- Created a plan to get myself into another position so I could be successful for tip number one. Accomplished
- I set weekly goals to help with my definition of having it all, and cross them off at the end of the week once completed. Accomplished
Whew! This has been a long post, and if you have read this all the way through, you’re the real MVP. As you can see I am really passionate about you becoming the BEST you. Having it all does not have to be complicated, but you have to know what it entails specifically for yourself. Do you think it’s possible to have it all? Let me know!!